Taylor: Based on reading Taylor’s story, I was able to get a different point of view than some of the others. Unlike my own story, Taylor’s hobo chose to leave home on her own and not because the Great Depression was forcing her out, though that was one of the factors. She included many historical facts and I was able to follow along with the plot very easily. Taylor and I also chose to work together on the project and so I was able to read our story from her point of view. I thought the way she portrayed the character Jezebel was perfect for someone of her nature. We had decided to have Taylor’s character sabotage my character while they were trying to board a train. I wrote from my own character’s point of view, naively thinking that Taylor’s character was just trying to help me but, in the end, was forced to get inside the train for her own safety. Taylor on the other hand portrayed it so that Jezebel had planned to sabotage my character from the start. Overall I found the story very historically accurate and enjoyable to read because of all the humor and deadpan. Great job Taylor!
Lauren: I thought Lauren’s story was very interesting. I had never thought of the idea of having a younger hobo, such as Lauren’s, leave home to follow an older sibling. Personally, if I were the youngest child I would have stayed home most likely because there would have been more food to eat, like Lauren mentioned. One aspect of Lauren’s story I particularly enjoyed was the amount of detail she put into it. Describing the train car with the other characters as well as her own character and her brother were very well done. I particularly liked how Lauren added in commentary that her character might have been thinking at the time. It added humor to a subject that is usually sad and depressing and I applaud her for that. I also thought the level of description about the way of life a hobo had was really good. Especially when she described the train car and how her character had seen a boy fall off the train car while trying to jump etc. IT displayed a lot of effort on Lauren’s part for learning all these small but significant details.
Olivia - Your story was very intriguing and fun to read. Its brevity was simple and sweet, and the choice to write with improper grammar to make the hobo real was very effective. While my story didn't include many names, your decision to name and explain the backgrounds of several different characters made the story much more relevant and believable. The inclusion of little details, such as the death of a brother by slipping under the tracks, made it historically believable and accurate while still focused on the story. The main character truly epitomized the attitude of many runaways of the era. His declaration that he would get to California and find a job so easily was a great summation of the false confidence felt by many hobos of the time. Great story!
Julia - Writing journal entries as opposed to regular story format was an interesting and effective choice. Along with that, your character is very believable, and just as Olivia did, choosing to write in a dialect made the story more interesting and relevant. The amount of detail is good, and the change in tone from the first entry to the second served to show how the rails changed your character both physically and mentally. Also like Olivia's, your character's confidence that the rails will lead them to somewhere better epitomizes the general morale and hope of teenage hobos from the era. The first entry, which sees Joe reflect on his decision to leave, is eerie in that he sounds much older, while the end of the entry reveals that he's just turned 12. Acting almost as a twist, this is very effective. Altogether, the format and content of your story make it enjoyable to read and also historically accurate.
Clare's Story: I thought Clare's story was very-well written because it incorporated many historical facts but also had a lot of action so it was interesting for the reader. For example, she referenced bulls, real towns, and the emotions that teenage hobos feel when they are forced to ride the rails. I especially liked the part how Harper, her main character, was against stealing but then changed her opinions when she realized it was necessary to get enough food. I felt that was realistic because I'm sure many teenage hobos had a change in morals or opinions after riding the rails and living through the depression. I also really like how her character ended up getting caught by the bulls because incidents like that actually happened and it was extremely interesting to read about. Great Job Clare!
Lauren's story: I like how Lauren's story was about a girl who left because she wanted to experience adventure and not because her parents made her leave and I loved the scene where Savannah was in the cart with the other hobos and the readers could read the thoughts that ran through her mind because no other story I've read did something like that. It was extremely interesting to read about what Savannah thought about the government and other hobos, especially about the part where she was afraid to fall asleep because she didn't want to roll out of the cart. I've never thought about small details like that so this story provided information and details I didn't realize before. The fact that Lauren contributed historical facts such as hobos falling off the trains and being killed also made this story authentic along with the bad grammer and shortened words which made it actually seem like a young southern girl was talking. Good Job, Lauren!
Sabina you do a phenomenal job of describing emotion with out actually telling us. You do this very well when your describing what the characters emotions are and their hardships without come right out to us that they were hobos and were depressed. The way you describe the suicide attempt is very apt and helps move the story along into character development. I would have like more development of the story because now I am very curious to where the characters are going. I also would have started the story off possible in the middle of Leonard trying to kill himself to make the reader play catch-up. You did a phenomenal job of describing and adding the information without making it painfully aware you were trying to spit facts at us. If you continue this story I would gladly read it.
Thomas, great job with starting the middle of an action so the reader has to play catch up. Be careful not to repeat words because sometimes when you’re trying to describe something say the same word in sentence that are back to back. You also do a good job of adding the back-story without making it take away from the heart of action in the plot. Also your characters brother dies and you only have nightmare. What does he do after he sees his brother shot? Does he stay and try to help him? Does he run away? I like the connection back to nightmares but I would like some more explanation after the brother gets shot. Also its “knew” not “new”. Very good story and I enjoyed it.
I think Taylor did a great job at creating a readable and plot-driven short story, which was also historically accurate. The details like naming her protagonist “Jezebel” and mentioning specific states gave the character context. The protagonist’s selfish and tough attitude epitomizes the theory of social Darwinism. Social darwinism states “every man for himself” and only the fittest survive. From Taylor’s story, I realized that to survive on the rails means to obtain food were to steal or use someone. These unethical means and selfish attitude created a vivid image of how desperate teenage hobos were for food during the Great Depression. Taylor’s story fascinated me with its constant action and new situations. I think they described the feeling of how fast-paced life was on the rails. The character’s candidness and opinions captivated my attention. Fantastic job!
Clare: I enjoyed Clare and Taylor’s idea to create two stories involving their different character. It was refreshing to read two perspectives on one event. Reading Clare’s story, I became more aware of how many different people and experiences there must have been on the rails and how hobos were different ages. Clare’s character, Harper, is more innocent, ethical, and empathetic than Taylor’s character, Jezebel. The contrast between these characters created a concrete image of people that I could know in real life. Clare’s use of ellipsis and improper grammar developed Harper as a character since the story is mostly her free flowing thoughts. Having Harper end up in jail showed how harshly bulls punished teenage hobos for not being able to pay for a train ticket. I liked how Clare’s story effectively answered the question brought up from Taylor’s story on what happened to Harper. One of my favorite parts was reading about how Harper was running to catch up to the train because it created a sense of urgency hobos must have felt trying to hop a train. Clare’s character also exemplified the peril and consequence being a teenage hobo was. I congratulate both Taylor and Clare for creating two different, historically accurate, intriguing, and coherent pieces of prose that increased my knowledge of the daily life of a teenage hobo. Awesome job!
Kelly: Your story was very authentic, and its simplicity and straightforward style made it all the more captivating. With the language and the way that the story was told, I could definitely have thought that this was a hobo's actual anecdote about their life on the rails. Your story had a nice rhythm to it, as if someone were telling it to another person verbally. It had such a nice feel - for lack of a better phrase to describe your story - and that rhythm truly captivated me and made me want to read on about this person's life. You also did a lot of showing over telling, especially when it came to what happened to Jackie on the railroad tracks. Instead of blatantly stating what happened to her, you implied it in a way that made it clear enough to the reading audience. If anything, I would have asked you to add a little bit more detail to certain parts of the story, such as where Jase and the protagonist talk about their daily life on the rails. If you were to continue this story, I would suggest adding more small details and stories about Jackie especially, as she is out of the picture almost as soon as she enters. However, the lack of excessive detail is almost one of the many perks of this story. Another thing I really liked about this was the ironic twist at the end, in which the main character has decided to return home, where he has been running from all this time. I thought that was really well done. Overall, a fantastic job!
Thomas: I liked the plot and background of your story a lot. You used certain aspects, such as traveling with one's brother, that we hadn't heard about from other hobo stories that made your story unique. While not commonly heard of, at least by me, the story was still historically accurate and felt authentic. The story also had a defined, well-structured plot that intertwined the backstory of the characters in a seamless way. While you didn't simply ignore the backstory of the characters, you also didn't insert it in the beginning or some other obnoxious place. The way you wrote it seemed right - for lack of a better word - and worked well with the entire story. One thing I would suggest is that, at the end, instead of blatantly stating how your main character felt and what he learned from the death of his brother, try and show his despair in another way. For instance, if he broke down crying, that would show the audience how upset and heartbroken your character was in a more powerful way. Other than that, I think you did a fantastic job!
The Journey of Bern-Colby Most people in our class did first person, so it was a nice contrast to write yours in third person! You did a very good job of adding in specific details of that time (newspaper names, town names, “hobo” terminology etc.) It made the story very authentic and realistic. I also enjoyed the way you went into a lot of detail with Bern's family dynamic. It made it really easy to connect with him when you described the way he fit into his family and why he chose to leave. Overall this story was amazing!
A Long Way From Home-Julia I really liked the way you did journal entries! I was able to observe the transformation your character had to make. Also the language you used was really good; it helped create the setting and enforce the time period. I also liked how you added in how the father was struggling quite a bit, because the fathers of all the different families during the Depression were really hit hard mentally. Very very good!
Railroad Nights (Olivia): What I really like about this story is the fact that the character seems to be very true to how young men in this situation would feel. He is not confident in where his life is going, or even about his surroundings, but he tries to put on a confident front for the others to see. At one point, the character says, “I left ‘cause bein’ a burden ain’t for me and all the gloom was suffocatin,’” showing that he is a tough guy and he doesn’t need the luxuries of home life to survive in the world. However, the character also says, “The nights make me shiver, though. The first time I jumped the railroad I hadda put my hat over my eyes so the other men didn’t see me cry.” In this moment the character reveals their weaknesses and that they do, in fact, miss the comforts of home and the people in their family. The walls that the character has tried to build in order to survive as a hobo break down in this description of their first night on a train. I really like the way that this story balances both sides of being a hobo, because it reveals that this type of life isn’t always easy, but it isn’t always miserable, either.
A Long Way From Home (Julia): I like the format that this story takes; the use of journal entries keeps the reader interested and also provides an opportunity to jump ahead and skip some of the less important in-between occurrences. I also think that it was smart to use one of the journal entries to give some of the background information about the character’s family life, and how most of their siblings had already become hobos in order to help their parents provide. It was also sort of a slap in the face for the reader to see at the end of the first entry that this character is only twelve years old, yet is choosing to leave home to help their family. Especially after reading the second entry, where the character says, “Before I left, I never thought I’d ever travel this much. Now, I’ve been all over the country.” It is unusual for a twelve year old in America to have traveled all over the country, because typical twelve-year-olds are too young to have traveled all over except for special circumstances. However, not only is this twelve-year-old character traveling all over the country, they are doing so basically completely alone, which is shocking for the reader to realize and causes them to think about the true impacts of the Great Depression.
Calli- I really enjoyed the set up of your story. In the beginning you discuss that the character knows he is going to be asked to leave, and he knows it's coming.But, even though he knows he will have to leave it is still hard to come to grips with the fact that he is going to be alone, with no family. Reading this story I can imagine the situation that the family had to face because of the significant details that were included. The description of the money the character has, clearly shoes that it was challenging to come up with any money. There was such a small amount and that was all of the savings his parents had. I also enjoyed the part when the father gives the bad news to his son. It is not the ideal situation for the family, but they know it is the only way they will survive. I also really liked how you make the character understand that he has to be strong, no matter how much it hurts him to leave. The entire set up made it easy to follow and understand, and the story was very interesting. Great story!
Jane- This is such a great story! I think it is interesting that your character decided to leave, rather than being asked to leave by his family. It puts the story in a different direction than was expected.The character did it because he didn't want to see his family struggling, so he put matters into his own hands. Another part of the story that I thoroughly enjoyed was how the character thinks back to the first time he jumped on the train. The thrill that he felt and exhilaration, made me understand the personality of the character. The last paragraph creates a picture, when you talk about the black smoke and how it suffocates you. Also, I like how you explain that you have never experienced it, it leaves the story with an open interpretation to how badly the smoke really was. I really enjoyed your story, great job!
Sabina’s story did a great job of building up to the climax. She was able to describe the scene at the Chicago train station as one of despair. I obtained that sense of hopelessness when it said, “The same expression of a sheep knowing its fate as it walks straight into a butcher’s shop.” Also she included many historical instances within her fiction writing. For example, she talked about how the dust made her character cough. This is a referral to the dustbowl drought that took place throughout the great depression. Also, she included relevant information about the price of a train ticket, as well as a classic example of how a teenager would be kicked out of their home and put on the rails. One creative aspect that was very effective in Sabina’s story was how she used the atmosphere at the Chicago train station in order to display the metaphor of what it was like to be a teenage hobo during the great depression. A key line that displayed this metaphor was when she said, “Everything around me had a gray tone, even the chestnut-colored rust that draped over the rails.” Another great strength of Sabina’s story was how she used descriptive language in order to convey the mood of the hobos. She said, “Some had deep wrinkles and blanched skin that stretched tightly over their faces. Russet-colored soil stuck to the cheekbones and foreheads of many, while unhealed gashes marred the faces of others.” This line gave me insight toward the less than stellar morality of the hobos, even though it was a physical description. Kelly’s story was a prime example of relationships being ruined because of the realities of teenage hobo life. Kelly was able to follow a realistic team of two hobos during the depression. This relationship made the story much more believable because it showed the need for companionship during the Great Depression. When Kelly wrote, “He taught me how to judge if a train was going to fast too jump on, and how to make a secret pocket in your jacket to hide money,” I was able to see how these different strategies were passed around during the Great Depression. Another historical fact that Kelly included in her story was how the hobos ate mulligan’s stew. This reference made me think of the life at the hobo camps and how desperate the hobos were to get food. Lastly, Kelly wrote how the main character wanted to find her mother and sister. This showed the harsh reality of family separation during the Great Depression. Even though the main character’s father was the one that kicked her out, the mother and sister were not involved. The glimmer of hope that the main character had to find her sister and mother kept her going throughout the story. This was not uncommon during the life of a hobo. Often, they would have to find that one thing they wanted more than ever and use it to keep them going throughout the depression.
Jin: I enjoyed reading your story. I thought that the story was well written, and it portrayed the life of a teenage hobo well. It started out with a fairly realistic situation that many teens got stuck in; a father who has lost his job and cannot support his children anymore. I felt that the story was an accurate depiction of a hobo’s life. The story did not offer any reprieve from the suffering of the main character, which is what I think the hobos went through. I also liked your portrayal of the ruthlessness of some of the other hobos who rode the rails.
Nick: This was a good story. It was inherently different from Jin’s in that it mainly tells the story of the interactions between the two characters rather than Jin’s, which tells the story of one character. I particularly liked the beginning of the story where it describes Alfonso’s experience in the United States as an immigrant. The writing style was good, and it certainly enhanced the story. In a similar manner to Jin’s story, it also portrayed that not all of the other hobos on the rails were good people, which I thought was an accurate depiction of the life of the hobos.
Olivia: I really enjoyed your story and I think that writing like people of the time probably talked really added to the authenticity of the story of this hobo's new life. I know that you were hesitant to write like this at first, but you nailed it! I think that adding the part about the hobo's insomnia and what he thinks about when he can't sleep really added to the story because it shows how hard it was to move on from the better life they had in the past. By adding him saying, "I ain't never goin' home," it's as if he's trying to convince himself that this new life is what's real and what his future is. I'm sure all hobos had a hard time accepting that their old life is over and that they can't go back, so it really helped make the story more genuine.
Sara: You did a wonderful job at showing the tiny glimpses of hope in the hobo's life when he remembered what his father had taught him. "Head held high, son, head held high. Ain’t nothing can hurt you with your head held high." I thought this was a really great part to add because it gave the hobo hope, which was something hard to come by at this time of the Great Depression. I liked how you kept it short and simple by just talking about the first time jumping the train because it is probably a very important moment in this hobo's life. It's the beginning of a new lifestyle and you did a great job making it authentic and believable.
Sarah- Your story is really well written and there are numerous historical facts that contribute to its authenticity. For example, what it was like for a teenager to leave home and ride the rails. I think that you hit these emotions spot on and really wrote about them well. The way you wrote, dropping g's, definitely adds a lot to the authenticity of the story. I'm glad that you included that. Overall, this story was nice to read because although it was a very common experience during the Great Depression for a teenager to leave home, you added other elements, like the character Johnny, that separated it from other similar stories. There is a strong feeling of despair and desperation throughout the story, which also adds to its authenticity. The plot is sad, but very true to the time period.
Calli- I really love the way you write, you are so descriptive and provide great imagery for the reader. The plot of your story also reflects a common experience that teenagers went through during that time, like Sarah's. You added numerous historical facts that also add to the story's authenticity. Your story was so strong that it caused me to feel sympathetic for the main character. I like that you included the part about the mother giving all their money to the main character, because it reminds us that even though parents kicked their children out, it doesn't mean that they did not love them. It made me think in the parent's perspective and how hard it must have been to tell their child to leave. Really great story overall, you both did an amazing job.
John: I really enjoyed the story and the ending was original because most of the people had a pretty sad ending, but John’s story reached the end of the Great Depression and emphasized the friendship between the main character and Billy, who he met during his journey. John used historical evidence to back his story, such as the railroad bulls and people’s feelings and emotions during the depression. The story was concise, but it had all the necessary information about the teenage hobos and it was clear how all the teenagers had to suffer to get on those rails and head West, as well as finding food and shelter for themselves. I also noticed how John provided the reason why the main character’s dad couldn’t find another job after getting fired from his first one. He said that the father only had one arm, which prevented him from hard labor, but there weren’t any other jobs left. John included a change in tone in his story when Billy gets ill, which made the story more entertaining. Overall, I think John did a great job describing the life of a teenage hobo.
Nick: The first thing that caught my attention in Nick’s short story was the fact that the main character was not American. He decided to describe a life of an Italian immigrant who came to the United States during the Great Depression. It was also interesting that the story was written in third person, rather than first person. Nick made the reader sit on the edge of the seat by including unexpected scenes come one after another. At the beginning of the story, Alfonso meets a guy named Henry and they peacefully continue their journey together. Suddenly, Henry runs away with Alfonso’s bindle at night and at the end, they meet each other again after a long journey, when Alfonso almost kills Henry by throwing him under the train. Nick also used some historical evidence in the story to describe the despair of the teenagers at the time. I have truly enjoyed reading his story, especially because he included Italian words in the dialogs, making it more realistic, as Alfonso was Italian.
John: John's story was very bleak and sad. In a way it reflects the time very well. I like how California was the ultimate goal, as the West was probably the destination of many East coast hobos. I enjoyed the relationship with Billy, and his death made the story seem sadder. However. it was completely easy to sea coming from a literary standpoint. He also did not make me care about the characters very well, as they all blended together into one hobo mythos. Still, I found it rather enjoyable. Jin: Jin's story included far more historical facts than John. He mentioned the CCC camps, the sense of adventure, and the general sense of poverty. However, in this listing of events the emotion of the story was mostly lost. Then the main character died. I did not see it coming, expecting a Deus ex Machina to swoop down and save the day. The realism of his death just adds more to the realistic picture of the story.
Taylor:
ReplyDeleteBased on reading Taylor’s story, I was able to get a different point of view than some of the others. Unlike my own story, Taylor’s hobo chose to leave home on her own and not because the Great Depression was forcing her out, though that was one of the factors. She included many historical facts and I was able to follow along with the plot very easily. Taylor and I also chose to work together on the project and so I was able to read our story from her point of view. I thought the way she portrayed the character Jezebel was perfect for someone of her nature. We had decided to have Taylor’s character sabotage my character while they were trying to board a train. I wrote from my own character’s point of view, naively thinking that Taylor’s character was just trying to help me but, in the end, was forced to get inside the train for her own safety. Taylor on the other hand portrayed it so that Jezebel had planned to sabotage my character from the start. Overall I found the story very historically accurate and enjoyable to read because of all the humor and deadpan. Great job Taylor!
Lauren:
I thought Lauren’s story was very interesting. I had never thought of the idea of having a younger hobo, such as Lauren’s, leave home to follow an older sibling. Personally, if I were the youngest child I would have stayed home most likely because there would have been more food to eat, like Lauren mentioned. One aspect of Lauren’s story I particularly enjoyed was the amount of detail she put into it. Describing the train car with the other characters as well as her own character and her brother were very well done. I particularly liked how Lauren added in commentary that her character might have been thinking at the time. It added humor to a subject that is usually sad and depressing and I applaud her for that. I also thought the level of description about the way of life a hobo had was really good. Especially when she described the train car and how her character had seen a boy fall off the train car while trying to jump etc. IT displayed a lot of effort on Lauren’s part for learning all these small but significant details.
Olivia - Your story was very intriguing and fun to read. Its brevity was simple and sweet, and the choice to write with improper grammar to make the hobo real was very effective. While my story didn't include many names, your decision to name and explain the backgrounds of several different characters made the story much more relevant and believable. The inclusion of little details, such as the death of a brother by slipping under the tracks, made it historically believable and accurate while still focused on the story. The main character truly epitomized the attitude of many runaways of the era. His declaration that he would get to California and find a job so easily was a great summation of the false confidence felt by many hobos of the time. Great story!
ReplyDeleteJulia - Writing journal entries as opposed to regular story format was an interesting and effective choice. Along with that, your character is very believable, and just as Olivia did, choosing to write in a dialect made the story more interesting and relevant. The amount of detail is good, and the change in tone from the first entry to the second served to show how the rails changed your character both physically and mentally. Also like Olivia's, your character's confidence that the rails will lead them to somewhere better epitomizes the general morale and hope of teenage hobos from the era. The first entry, which sees Joe reflect on his decision to leave, is eerie in that he sounds much older, while the end of the entry reveals that he's just turned 12. Acting almost as a twist, this is very effective. Altogether, the format and content of your story make it enjoyable to read and also historically accurate.
Clare's Story: I thought Clare's story was very-well written because it incorporated many historical facts but also had a lot of action so it was interesting for the reader. For example, she referenced bulls, real towns, and the emotions that teenage hobos feel when they are forced to ride the rails. I especially liked the part how Harper, her main character, was against stealing but then changed her opinions when she realized it was necessary to get enough food. I felt that was realistic because I'm sure many teenage hobos had a change in morals or opinions after riding the rails and living through the depression. I also really like how her character ended up getting caught by the bulls because incidents like that actually happened and it was extremely interesting to read about. Great Job Clare!
ReplyDeleteLauren's story: I like how Lauren's story was about a girl who left because she wanted to experience adventure and not because her parents made her leave and I loved the scene where Savannah was in the cart with the other hobos and the readers could read the thoughts that ran through her mind because no other story I've read did something like that. It was extremely interesting to read about what Savannah thought about the government and other hobos, especially about the part where she was afraid to fall asleep because she didn't want to roll out of the cart. I've never thought about small details like that so this story provided information and details I didn't realize before. The fact that Lauren contributed historical facts such as hobos falling off the trains and being killed also made this story authentic along with the bad grammer and shortened words which made it actually seem like a young southern girl was talking. Good Job, Lauren!
Sabina you do a phenomenal job of describing emotion with out actually telling us. You do this very well when your describing what the characters emotions are and their hardships without come right out to us that they were hobos and were depressed. The way you describe the suicide attempt is very apt and helps move the story along into character development. I would have like more development of the story because now I am very curious to where the characters are going. I also would have started the story off possible in the middle of Leonard trying to kill himself to make the reader play catch-up. You did a phenomenal job of describing and adding the information without making it painfully aware you were trying to spit facts at us. If you continue this story I would gladly read it.
ReplyDeleteThomas, great job with starting the middle of an action so the reader has to play catch up. Be careful not to repeat words because sometimes when you’re trying to describe something say the same word in sentence that are back to back. You also do a good job of adding the back-story without making it take away from the heart of action in the plot. Also your characters brother dies and you only have nightmare. What does he do after he sees his brother shot? Does he stay and try to help him? Does he run away? I like the connection back to nightmares but I would like some more explanation after the brother gets shot. Also its “knew” not “new”. Very good story and I enjoyed it.
Taylor:
ReplyDeleteI think Taylor did a great job at creating a readable and plot-driven short story, which was also historically accurate. The details like naming her protagonist “Jezebel” and mentioning specific states gave the character context. The protagonist’s selfish and tough attitude epitomizes the theory of social Darwinism. Social darwinism states “every man for himself” and only the fittest survive. From Taylor’s story, I realized that to survive on the rails means to obtain food were to steal or use someone. These unethical means and selfish attitude created a vivid image of how desperate teenage hobos were for food during the Great Depression. Taylor’s story fascinated me with its constant action and new situations. I think they described the feeling of how fast-paced life was on the rails. The character’s candidness and opinions captivated my attention. Fantastic job!
Clare:
I enjoyed Clare and Taylor’s idea to create two stories involving their different character. It was refreshing to read two perspectives on one event. Reading Clare’s story, I became more aware of how many different people and experiences there must have been on the rails and how hobos were different ages. Clare’s character, Harper, is more innocent, ethical, and empathetic than Taylor’s character, Jezebel. The contrast between these characters created a concrete image of people that I could know in real life. Clare’s use of ellipsis and improper grammar developed Harper as a character since the story is mostly her free flowing thoughts. Having Harper end up in jail showed how harshly bulls punished teenage hobos for not being able to pay for a train ticket. I liked how Clare’s story effectively answered the question brought up from Taylor’s story on what happened to Harper. One of my favorite parts was reading about how Harper was running to catch up to the train because it created a sense of urgency hobos must have felt trying to hop a train. Clare’s character also exemplified the peril and consequence being a teenage hobo was. I congratulate both Taylor and Clare for creating two different, historically accurate, intriguing, and coherent pieces of prose that increased my knowledge of the daily life of a teenage hobo. Awesome job!
Kelly: Your story was very authentic, and its simplicity and straightforward style made it all the more captivating. With the language and the way that the story was told, I could definitely have thought that this was a hobo's actual anecdote about their life on the rails. Your story had a nice rhythm to it, as if someone were telling it to another person verbally. It had such a nice feel - for lack of a better phrase to describe your story - and that rhythm truly captivated me and made me want to read on about this person's life. You also did a lot of showing over telling, especially when it came to what happened to Jackie on the railroad tracks. Instead of blatantly stating what happened to her, you implied it in a way that made it clear enough to the reading audience. If anything, I would have asked you to add a little bit more detail to certain parts of the story, such as where Jase and the protagonist talk about their daily life on the rails. If you were to continue this story, I would suggest adding more small details and stories about Jackie especially, as she is out of the picture almost as soon as she enters. However, the lack of excessive detail is almost one of the many perks of this story. Another thing I really liked about this was the ironic twist at the end, in which the main character has decided to return home, where he has been running from all this time. I thought that was really well done. Overall, a fantastic job!
ReplyDeleteThomas: I liked the plot and background of your story a lot. You used certain aspects, such as traveling with one's brother, that we hadn't heard about from other hobo stories that made your story unique. While not commonly heard of, at least by me, the story was still historically accurate and felt authentic. The story also had a defined, well-structured plot that intertwined the backstory of the characters in a seamless way. While you didn't simply ignore the backstory of the characters, you also didn't insert it in the beginning or some other obnoxious place. The way you wrote it seemed right - for lack of a better word - and worked well with the entire story. One thing I would suggest is that, at the end, instead of blatantly stating how your main character felt and what he learned from the death of his brother, try and show his despair in another way. For instance, if he broke down crying, that would show the audience how upset and heartbroken your character was in a more powerful way. Other than that, I think you did a fantastic job!
The Journey of Bern-Colby
ReplyDeleteMost people in our class did first person, so it was a nice contrast to write yours in third person! You did a very good job of adding in specific details of that time (newspaper names, town names, “hobo” terminology etc.) It made the story very authentic and realistic. I also enjoyed the way you went into a lot of detail with Bern's family dynamic. It made it really easy to connect with him when you described the way he fit into his family and why he chose to leave. Overall this story was amazing!
A Long Way From Home-Julia
I really liked the way you did journal entries! I was able to observe the transformation your character had to make. Also the language you used was really good; it helped create the setting and enforce the time period. I also liked how you added in how the father was struggling quite a bit, because the fathers of all the different families during the Depression were really hit hard mentally. Very very good!
Railroad Nights (Olivia):
ReplyDeleteWhat I really like about this story is the fact that the character seems to be very true to how young men in this situation would feel. He is not confident in where his life is going, or even about his surroundings, but he tries to put on a confident front for the others to see. At one point, the character says, “I left ‘cause bein’ a burden ain’t for me and all the gloom was suffocatin,’” showing that he is a tough guy and he doesn’t need the luxuries of home life to survive in the world. However, the character also says, “The nights make me shiver, though. The first time I jumped the railroad I hadda put my hat over my eyes so the other men didn’t see me cry.” In this moment the character reveals their weaknesses and that they do, in fact, miss the comforts of home and the people in their family. The walls that the character has tried to build in order to survive as a hobo break down in this description of their first night on a train. I really like the way that this story balances both sides of being a hobo, because it reveals that this type of life isn’t always easy, but it isn’t always miserable, either.
A Long Way From Home (Julia):
I like the format that this story takes; the use of journal entries keeps the reader interested and also provides an opportunity to jump ahead and skip some of the less important in-between occurrences. I also think that it was smart to use one of the journal entries to give some of the background information about the character’s family life, and how most of their siblings had already become hobos in order to help their parents provide.
It was also sort of a slap in the face for the reader to see at the end of the first entry that this character is only twelve years old, yet is choosing to leave home to help their family. Especially after reading the second entry, where the character says, “Before I left, I never thought I’d ever travel this much. Now, I’ve been all over the country.” It is unusual for a twelve year old in America to have traveled all over the country, because typical twelve-year-olds are too young to have traveled all over except for special circumstances. However, not only is this twelve-year-old character traveling all over the country, they are doing so basically completely alone, which is shocking for the reader to realize and causes them to think about the true impacts of the Great Depression.
Calli- I really enjoyed the set up of your story. In the beginning you discuss that the character knows he is going to be asked to leave, and he knows it's coming.But, even though he knows he will have to leave it is still hard to come to grips with the fact that he is going to be alone, with no family. Reading this story I can imagine the situation that the family had to face because of the significant details that were included. The description of the money the character has, clearly shoes that it was challenging to come up with any money. There was such a small amount and that was all of the savings his parents had. I also enjoyed the part when the father gives the bad news to his son. It is not the ideal situation for the family, but they know it is the only way they will survive. I also really liked how you make the character understand that he has to be strong, no matter how much it hurts him to leave. The entire set up made it easy to follow and understand, and the story was very interesting. Great story!
ReplyDeleteJane- This is such a great story! I think it is interesting that your character decided to leave, rather than being asked to leave by his family. It puts the story in a different direction than was expected.The character did it because he didn't want to see his family struggling, so he put matters into his own hands. Another part of the story that I thoroughly enjoyed was how the character thinks back to the first time he jumped on the train. The thrill that he felt and exhilaration, made me understand the personality of the character. The last paragraph creates a picture, when you talk about the black smoke and how it suffocates you. Also, I like how you explain that you have never experienced it, it leaves the story with an open interpretation to how badly the smoke really was. I really enjoyed your story, great job!
Sabina’s story did a great job of building up to the climax. She was able to describe the scene at the Chicago train station as one of despair. I obtained that sense of hopelessness when it said, “The same expression of a sheep knowing its fate as it walks straight into a butcher’s shop.” Also she included many historical instances within her fiction writing. For example, she talked about how the dust made her character cough. This is a referral to the dustbowl drought that took place throughout the great depression. Also, she included relevant information about the price of a train ticket, as well as a classic example of how a teenager would be kicked out of their home and put on the rails. One creative aspect that was very effective in Sabina’s story was how she used the atmosphere at the Chicago train station in order to display the metaphor of what it was like to be a teenage hobo during the great depression. A key line that displayed this metaphor was when she said, “Everything around me had a gray tone, even the chestnut-colored rust that draped over the rails.” Another great strength of Sabina’s story was how she used descriptive language in order to convey the mood of the hobos. She said, “Some had deep wrinkles and blanched skin that stretched tightly over their faces. Russet-colored soil stuck to the cheekbones and foreheads of many, while unhealed gashes marred the faces of others.” This line gave me insight toward the less than stellar morality of the hobos, even though it was a physical description.
ReplyDeleteKelly’s story was a prime example of relationships being ruined because of the realities of teenage hobo life. Kelly was able to follow a realistic team of two hobos during the depression. This relationship made the story much more believable because it showed the need for companionship during the Great Depression. When Kelly wrote, “He taught me how to judge if a train was going to fast too jump on, and how to make a secret pocket in your jacket to hide money,” I was able to see how these different strategies were passed around during the Great Depression. Another historical fact that Kelly included in her story was how the hobos ate mulligan’s stew. This reference made me think of the life at the hobo camps and how desperate the hobos were to get food. Lastly, Kelly wrote how the main character wanted to find her mother and sister. This showed the harsh reality of family separation during the Great Depression. Even though the main character’s father was the one that kicked her out, the mother and sister were not involved. The glimmer of hope that the main character had to find her sister and mother kept her going throughout the story. This was not uncommon during the life of a hobo. Often, they would have to find that one thing they wanted more than ever and use it to keep them going throughout the depression.
Jin:
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your story. I thought that the story was well written, and it portrayed the life of a teenage hobo well. It started out with a fairly realistic situation that many teens got stuck in; a father who has lost his job and cannot support his children anymore. I felt that the story was an accurate depiction of a hobo’s life. The story did not offer any reprieve from the suffering of the main character, which is what I think the hobos went through. I also liked your portrayal of the ruthlessness of some of the other hobos who rode the rails.
Nick:
This was a good story. It was inherently different from Jin’s in that it mainly tells the story of the interactions between the two characters rather than Jin’s, which tells the story of one character. I particularly liked the beginning of the story where it describes Alfonso’s experience in the United States as an immigrant. The writing style was good, and it certainly enhanced the story. In a similar manner to Jin’s story, it also portrayed that not all of the other hobos on the rails were good people, which I thought was an accurate depiction of the life of the hobos.
Olivia: I really enjoyed your story and I think that writing like people of the time probably talked really added to the authenticity of the story of this hobo's new life. I know that you were hesitant to write like this at first, but you nailed it! I think that adding the part about the hobo's insomnia and what he thinks about when he can't sleep really added to the story because it shows how hard it was to move on from the better life they had in the past. By adding him saying, "I ain't never goin' home," it's as if he's trying to convince himself that this new life is what's real and what his future is. I'm sure all hobos had a hard time accepting that their old life is over and that they can't go back, so it really helped make the story more genuine.
ReplyDeleteSara: You did a wonderful job at showing the tiny glimpses of hope in the hobo's life when he remembered what his father had taught him. "Head held high, son, head held high. Ain’t nothing can hurt you with your head held high." I thought this was a really great part to add because it gave the hobo hope, which was something hard to come by at this time of the Great Depression. I liked how you kept it short and simple by just talking about the first time jumping the train because it is probably a very important moment in this hobo's life. It's the beginning of a new lifestyle and you did a great job making it authentic and believable.
Sarah- Your story is really well written and there are numerous historical facts that contribute to its authenticity. For example, what it was like for a teenager to leave home and ride the rails. I think that you hit these emotions spot on and really wrote about them well. The way you wrote, dropping g's, definitely adds a lot to the authenticity of the story. I'm glad that you included that. Overall, this story was nice to read because although it was a very common experience during the Great Depression for a teenager to leave home, you added other elements, like the character Johnny, that separated it from other similar stories. There is a strong feeling of despair and desperation throughout the story, which also adds to its authenticity. The plot is sad, but very true to the time period.
ReplyDeleteCalli- I really love the way you write, you are so descriptive and provide great imagery for the reader. The plot of your story also reflects a common experience that teenagers went through during that time, like Sarah's. You added numerous historical facts that also add to the story's authenticity. Your story was so strong that it caused me to feel sympathetic for the main character. I like that you included the part about the mother giving all their money to the main character, because it reminds us that even though parents kicked their children out, it doesn't mean that they did not love them. It made me think in the parent's perspective and how hard it must have been to tell their child to leave.
Really great story overall, you both did an amazing job.
John:
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the story and the ending was original because most of the people had a pretty sad ending, but John’s story reached the end of the Great Depression and emphasized the friendship between the main character and Billy, who he met during his journey. John used historical evidence to back his story, such as the railroad bulls and people’s feelings and emotions during the depression. The story was concise, but it had all the necessary information about the teenage hobos and it was clear how all the teenagers had to suffer to get on those rails and head West, as well as finding food and shelter for themselves. I also noticed how John provided the reason why the main character’s dad couldn’t find another job after getting fired from his first one. He said that the father only had one arm, which prevented him from hard labor, but there weren’t any other jobs left. John included a change in tone in his story when Billy gets ill, which made the story more entertaining. Overall, I think John did a great job describing the life of a teenage hobo.
Nick:
The first thing that caught my attention in Nick’s short story was the fact that the main character was not American. He decided to describe a life of an Italian immigrant who came to the United States during the Great Depression. It was also interesting that the story was written in third person, rather than first person. Nick made the reader sit on the edge of the seat by including unexpected scenes come one after another. At the beginning of the story, Alfonso meets a guy named Henry and they peacefully continue their journey together. Suddenly, Henry runs away with Alfonso’s bindle at night and at the end, they meet each other again after a long journey, when Alfonso almost kills Henry by throwing him under the train. Nick also used some historical evidence in the story to describe the despair of the teenagers at the time. I have truly enjoyed reading his story, especially because he included Italian words in the dialogs, making it more realistic, as Alfonso was Italian.
John: John's story was very bleak and sad. In a way it reflects the time very well. I like how California was the ultimate goal, as the West was probably the destination of many East coast hobos. I enjoyed the relationship with Billy, and his death made the story seem sadder. However. it was completely easy to sea coming from a literary standpoint. He also did not make me care about the characters very well, as they all blended together into one hobo mythos. Still, I found it rather enjoyable.
ReplyDeleteJin: Jin's story included far more historical facts than John. He mentioned the CCC camps, the sense of adventure, and the general sense of poverty. However, in this listing of events the emotion of the story was mostly lost. Then the main character died. I did not see it coming, expecting a Deus ex Machina to swoop down and save the day. The realism of his death just adds more to the realistic picture of the story.